It's Ok!

Hey! It's OK to....

-call in "sick" at work if you just need a day to sleep away the last bad day you had there

-not go to the gym because its cold outside even though you'd technically be indoors

-spend too much money on exotic food you've never had before just for the experience

-eat snacks in the comfort of your own bed

-have a long term goal and wait until time starts running out to get working on it

-research future honeymoons since it will be the best vacation of your lifetime

Small Town USA

I never really appreciated living in a small town until yesterday when I had problems with my bank and had to call them to straighten something out. I recognized the lady's voice over the phone and we talked longer than just the straightening out the mixup. She knows my parents, where I live, her son played baseball with my younger brother for a few years, and the list goes on. After I hung up I thought that most people probably don't experience that.

My town's name is Russiaville. Pronounced "Roo-sha-ville" not Russia like its spelled. Home to just one 4 way stop and a little league baseball diamond I spent most of my childhood. My family rarely locks the doors to our house. I've always left my keys in my car ignition so I don't have to spend time looking for them. People honk if they see my family outside when they drive by. And I can walk across the street to the IGA for any kind of last minute ingredient my mom needs for dinner. (And when I was younger and wouldn't count the money my Mom gave me right, the cashier just said don't worry about it.)

All of these things I feel like I'm finally starting to appreciate. But something in me longs for the city life. The tall buildings all around me. The diverse groups of people. Walking down sidewalks while thousands of cars pass by. Night lights. I crave it. I want to be part of something big. But yet I love the close-knit feeling I get when I run into people I know and they tell me they liked my family's christmas card this year.

To me the city represents young adult independence (however false that idea may be.) To get out on my own and stay up late all night with the city. I just recently thought of it as a type of "promise land." A sense of freedom and my own establishment. Hopes of moving sometime in the next year. And like I said, being part of something big.

Wherever I end up and however I get there, I love where I've come from and will never stop pronouncing it "Roo-sha-ville" even though people don't understand why its spelled like Russia.

2010 Recap

2010 has been a really great year and it seems to me that 2011 can only get better.

Here's a recap on 2010:

January - spent New Years in Chicago at Margot & The Nuclear So & Sos concert with a really great group of friends

March - Started dating a wonderful friend of 4 years Mr. Joel Levi <3

April - Spent 2 1/2 weeks on the other side of the world in China traveling to Beijing, Shanghai, and Hangzhou

May - Finished 4 long years of undergrad at AU graduating with a BSN (Finally!)

June - Took a hot air balloon ride as a graduation gift from my aunt and uncle with Joel!

July - Passed nursing boards!

August - Hired on to my first real RN job at St. Vincent Hospital on the Head & Neck Post-op Unit (benefits & vacation time, the real deal!)

October - Took a weekend trip to Nashville with Joel to explore the city and see Metric in concert (looked at possible places to live!)

November - Officially entered young adulthood turning the big 2-3

Like I said, 2010 couldn't have been better but here's whats on the radar for me and 2011:

-running Indy Mini Marathon

-tickets to Lady Gaga!

-95% chance I'm moving to Nashville, TN

-go to a NCAA March Madness game

-find an area of nursing that i really truly love (looking into Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville)

Maybe, Just Maybe

I've spent a whole entire year trying to find answers as to how the person who seemed to cause the most heartache, pain and mayhem in my life found me...made a mess...and left.

Let's just say tonight I had a tiny sliver of a revelation that left me scratching my chin thinking...and the slightest bit thankful.
(but i would never confess that outloud, so lets just keep this between you and me.)

Life is funny sometimes.
-meg

Holiday Cheer

Seems to me that this is what Christmas should be all about :)

Can vs. Can't

Hello. My name is Meg and I will be your nurse tonight.

I can't really take all your pain away.

I can't make you sleep peacefully through the night or relieve all your worry.

I can't give you your voice back since your new trach or neck surgery seemed to take it away.

I can't make it less annoying to write everything out or even make you feel confident in your writing.

I can't make your financial burden from this complicated surgery any less.

I can't begin to fathom your fears about your new way of life...breathing from your neck or alterations made to your face and how different society will look at you.

I can't promise to know everything, make no mistakes, or have it all together.

But what I can do...is be the nurse I know how to be and take care of you through this rough night that I get to share with you.

My name is Meg and I am your nurse tonight.

Analogies of Nursing

These past 2 months have been haaarrrdddd. Who knew? Some would think it would be all sunshine and rainbows getting a great new job right out of college. But I can't exactly agree. There have been nights I wanted to quit. Turn in my RN license I spent 4 years and 3 nonstop months studying for. There have been other nights I drive home crying...And other nights I cry right when I walk in the door. Thoughts ring over and over in my head "I can't do this. I'll never be able to do this." Most people I've talk to don't understand and I feel selfish not being grateful for a job first of all, and second of all enjoying what I'm doing because its what I've always wanted to do and I'm getting paid to do what I love.

After sorting some thoughts, I've come with an analogy to roughly explain the pressure and overwhelming feelings that have made these months as hard as I say they've been:

I love serving people. Therefore, I've always wanted to be a waitress. I took special waitressing classes, went to some seminars, and read plenty of books on it. Now that I'm finally in young adulthood (I was not settling for any old teenage waitressing job, I wanted the real stuff) I can thrive on what I've always wanted to do.

Of course in school they taught about how to take care of the people seated at the tables. I know the basics. But I guess there's more they didn't necessarily go over in class. While I know the fundamentals of how to carry my tray, take an order, and bring the food...I didn't know people would want refills so often. Refills, extra napkins, maybe they dropped their silverware. Maybe they had one drink and now want a different one. Ok. I'm busy I got this. This only takes a little extra sweat.

But add 7, 8, or 9 tables. Whoa. I've only been waitressing for a couple weeks and I don't know if I can multitask that well. Guess I don't get a choice. Ok stick with the basics. But my skills aren't super great yet. I still kinda forget the science of balancing the tray. Sometimes I drop plates and run into other waiters. Ugh this is frustrating and embarrassing. I forget the silverware half the time and keep forgetting to watch for the refills.

I know that I'm a good waitress, but all these mistakes keep proving me wrong. Oh. And I have to remember that even though I'm frustrated I need to put a smile on my face to keep the customers happy. EVEN IF they are not so nice to me back or are kinda grumpy because their food is late. That's just part of being a waitress.

So I'm working hard, hard, hard to get these skills down, multitask, remember what I gotta do and fulfill my job description when the other waitresses want to help me out. They try to remind about some things...if you carry 4 glasses use a 16" tray and if you have over 6 use a 18". Ok got it. They tell me when you write the checks use the computer instead of the credit card machine because it doesn't work anymore. Got it. Oh and if they get only appetizers make sure to include the drinks with the checks otherwise they come with the meal. But if they got appetizers with a meal than just don't worry about the charges for a drink because it doesn't matter. ooook. got it?

Why didn't they teach me all this in the classes I took or the books I read? I'm guessing because every restaurant is different? Or maybe this is all the icing on the career and none of the fundamentals.

On top of all the stress I already described....there's the managers. Man oh man the managers. They get paid more than the waitresses but they are good at running the whole restaurant. They make sure I'm taking care of each table the BEST that the restaurant promises. But sometimes they're a little difficult to work with. Sometimes they'll give one table an extra side item. Or want to make sure table gets all salad with the meal to help their digestion. Maybe they want another table to hold off getting their food until they get to see them...and then I just have a really pissed off table. Oh. and the managers are kinda cocky because they run the restaurant and don't really treat the waitresses and waiters like I had imagined. I thought we'd work together but if they want to control the restaurant I'll just make sure to stay out of their way.

All the pressures that come along with a new job include getting to know the people you work with. And I guess I'm one of the youngest waitresses out there. All the waitresses have been working 10-20-25 years. So they look like pros! They never drop their trays! They always know when to get a refill! They even know how to talk to the scary managers who seem to proud to talk back! Man I feel stupid around all of them. How do I even fit in with them? How do I find things in common to talk about? Hell, how do I work side by side with them?

Here's a little extra thing at the restaurant I work at. They have these "Drink Passers" so I don't have to worry about bringing a table all their drinks. They are licensed but just didn't take all the classes I took to become a waitress so they are sorta "under" me if you will. They enjoy their job but all they can do is pass out drinks. They too have been doing this 20-25-even 30 years. And they have their skills down to a tee. But they work with me as a waitress. I wasn't prepared to be telling them what to do. I can barely figure out what I'm supposed to be doing! They're sorta helpful, but again...they only do drinks. I gotta figure out the rest of the stuff. Oh. And no one told me they'd sometimes get grumpy because I'm way younger than them and make more tips than they do.

Hello real world. I can't believe this is what you are. Please be kind. I have many years left with you.

-Meg