Hail Mary

Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death,

Amen.

We circled around her hospital bed, holding hands, chanting this prayer as she took her last couple breaths of life. Her breaths were long and deep. We never knew when the last one would be. I looked down at her small little crooked hands and squeezed them as tight as I could. I whispered in her ear that I was here with her. I rubbed her hair and blessed her forehead like she always did to me before I left her presence. She made a cross on our foreheads, then a cross on our chins and two dots for each cheek saying "Always remember, never forget, Mimi loves you very much."

I couldn't help but think of all the many many times she blessed me. Probably ever since I entered this world. She was the proudest grandma on the face of this earth. My mother told me I would've have probably never survived my first year of childhood if it weren't for her. She helped raise me. She was there every screaming night I couldn't sleep as a baby. I remember all the childhood sleepovers at her house, only fully complete with my very own suitcase that said "going to Mimi's." Ah..the fresh toast and hot chocolate in the morning around her kitchen table. She watched me pick up a flute for the first time in 6th grade and every concert I played since then she said I was the only one that never missed a note. She watched all my accomplishments in high school telling me every moment that I was becoming a very beautiful intelligent and remarkable young woman. I remember when I was 16 and wrecked my car I was too scared to tell my dad so it was her that I called. She believed in my dreams of becoming a nurse and stayed by my side the whole 4 year struggle it took to finally get the degree. I would call her every week when I had a hard exam coming up so she could pray that day and hour for me to succeed. She cried with me on the phone when I was going through that hard, hard breakup and asked why someone whould ever treat her Megan like that. She jumped for joy when I would stop by her home and bring her an iced tea. She delighted in every single story I had to share. She deeply treasured our friendship as did I.

She always wanted to hear of my adventures, my upsets, and worries. She taught me to trust my woman's intuition. Never apologize, accidents happen. Pray and meditate with the Lord. Always put family first. Be intentional. And always....always...watch out for those damn deer.

I am so very very blessed to have my life touched by such a strong, proud, and loving devout woman. She was...and always will be... my beloved Mimi.

Proud Parent Moment

The music was loud. The passion came through the mic. The band couldn't have been more in sync. I watched from the bar like a proud parent. Every person observed with wide eyes and kept conversation to a minimum. After the show, the band manager took the band out to eat (I got to come along by association) They escorted us back to a secluded conference room with business chairs on wheels. Then came the head of the company, the power of attorney, and a lawyer. What seemed to just be a fun Saturday night quickly turned to be the beginning of something great. We thought getting dinner paid for was going to be the best part, but then the company owner sat down and talked about how stinkin incredible he thought the music was. The band took the compliments and listened to what he had to say. He said "I believe in what you guys are doing. The life that screams through the songs, the rhythm that gels together so well, and the future potential you hold." They all signed their names on a contract created solely to help them succeed. They said "we started this company to find talent, and you guys are the people we are looking for." My eyes started to well up. The excitement burned inside my chest. AND I'M NOT EVEN PART OF THE BAND!! It was like seeing a toddler beginning to take their first steps in learning how to walk. Or that child getting on the school bus for the first time in their life. Just how more proud could I be? We took a bathroom break in the middle of dinner and I ran and jumped into a hug with Joel. THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING! I said, while he remained calm and called the whole thing surreal.

A music career will certainly have its ups and downs, but for now it seems to be a slow climb up and I couldn't be happier to be here in the most beginning of it all and will continue to take every step with him :)

It's Ok!

Hey! It's OK to....

-call in "sick" at work if you just need a day to sleep away the last bad day you had there

-not go to the gym because its cold outside even though you'd technically be indoors

-spend too much money on exotic food you've never had before just for the experience

-eat snacks in the comfort of your own bed

-have a long term goal and wait until time starts running out to get working on it

-research future honeymoons since it will be the best vacation of your lifetime

Small Town USA

I never really appreciated living in a small town until yesterday when I had problems with my bank and had to call them to straighten something out. I recognized the lady's voice over the phone and we talked longer than just the straightening out the mixup. She knows my parents, where I live, her son played baseball with my younger brother for a few years, and the list goes on. After I hung up I thought that most people probably don't experience that.

My town's name is Russiaville. Pronounced "Roo-sha-ville" not Russia like its spelled. Home to just one 4 way stop and a little league baseball diamond I spent most of my childhood. My family rarely locks the doors to our house. I've always left my keys in my car ignition so I don't have to spend time looking for them. People honk if they see my family outside when they drive by. And I can walk across the street to the IGA for any kind of last minute ingredient my mom needs for dinner. (And when I was younger and wouldn't count the money my Mom gave me right, the cashier just said don't worry about it.)

All of these things I feel like I'm finally starting to appreciate. But something in me longs for the city life. The tall buildings all around me. The diverse groups of people. Walking down sidewalks while thousands of cars pass by. Night lights. I crave it. I want to be part of something big. But yet I love the close-knit feeling I get when I run into people I know and they tell me they liked my family's christmas card this year.

To me the city represents young adult independence (however false that idea may be.) To get out on my own and stay up late all night with the city. I just recently thought of it as a type of "promise land." A sense of freedom and my own establishment. Hopes of moving sometime in the next year. And like I said, being part of something big.

Wherever I end up and however I get there, I love where I've come from and will never stop pronouncing it "Roo-sha-ville" even though people don't understand why its spelled like Russia.

2010 Recap

2010 has been a really great year and it seems to me that 2011 can only get better.

Here's a recap on 2010:

January - spent New Years in Chicago at Margot & The Nuclear So & Sos concert with a really great group of friends

March - Started dating a wonderful friend of 4 years Mr. Joel Levi <3

April - Spent 2 1/2 weeks on the other side of the world in China traveling to Beijing, Shanghai, and Hangzhou

May - Finished 4 long years of undergrad at AU graduating with a BSN (Finally!)

June - Took a hot air balloon ride as a graduation gift from my aunt and uncle with Joel!

July - Passed nursing boards!

August - Hired on to my first real RN job at St. Vincent Hospital on the Head & Neck Post-op Unit (benefits & vacation time, the real deal!)

October - Took a weekend trip to Nashville with Joel to explore the city and see Metric in concert (looked at possible places to live!)

November - Officially entered young adulthood turning the big 2-3

Like I said, 2010 couldn't have been better but here's whats on the radar for me and 2011:

-running Indy Mini Marathon

-tickets to Lady Gaga!

-95% chance I'm moving to Nashville, TN

-go to a NCAA March Madness game

-find an area of nursing that i really truly love (looking into Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville)

Maybe, Just Maybe

I've spent a whole entire year trying to find answers as to how the person who seemed to cause the most heartache, pain and mayhem in my life found me...made a mess...and left.

Let's just say tonight I had a tiny sliver of a revelation that left me scratching my chin thinking...and the slightest bit thankful.
(but i would never confess that outloud, so lets just keep this between you and me.)

Life is funny sometimes.
-meg

Holiday Cheer

Seems to me that this is what Christmas should be all about :)