March 10, 2011:
The day my parent's divorce was final.
The day everything I've ever known changed forever.
The day I wasn't sure who to trust anymore.
The day I became scared of the future.
The day I realized I need my siblings more than anything.
The day I promised myself to speak up no matter what.
The day I no longer look forward to the holidays.
The day I learned we all hurt each other.
The day I promised my future family will never happen to them.
The day that will forever have an impact.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Little Thoughts
Anger.
Hurt.
Resentment.
Sadness.
Numb.
Depression.
Upset.
Failure.
Broken.
Worry.
Fear.
Mistrust.
Destroyed.
Ugly.
Trapped.
Ruined.
Hope.
Relationships.
Foundations.
Stronger.
New Beginnings.
Faith.
Love.
Intention.
Prayer.
Learning.
Family.
Scars.
Future.
Change.
Little ones.
Healing.
Forgiveness.
Peace.
Reveal yourself to us, God....We need to see your face.
"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 147:3
Hurt.
Resentment.
Sadness.
Numb.
Depression.
Upset.
Failure.
Broken.
Worry.
Fear.
Mistrust.
Destroyed.
Ugly.
Trapped.
Ruined.
Hope.
Relationships.
Foundations.
Stronger.
New Beginnings.
Faith.
Love.
Intention.
Prayer.
Learning.
Family.
Scars.
Future.
Change.
Little ones.
Healing.
Forgiveness.
Peace.
Reveal yourself to us, God....We need to see your face.
"He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds"
Psalm 147:3
Friday, March 11, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Lion Fight
" So...Chin up. Put your shoulders back. Walk proud. Strut a little. Don't lick your wounds...celebrate them. You're in a lion fight. Just because you didn't win doesn't mean you don't know how to roar."
Friday, March 4, 2011
Foundations
Parents are supposed to be your foundation. After all, that is what YOU alone were founded on. They brought you into this world. Kept you alive when you couldn't even hold your own head up. Sent you to school for the first time so you could learn all the basics. Put you in sports and extra curricular activities so you would make friends. Answered your questions about why the sky is blue, how babies are made, and what it means to do right and wrong. They watch you grow through those awkward, awkward years of puberty and trying to find your friends you can count on for the rest of your life. They stay up late and worry while you had the keys to the car for the first time and knew you had no idea how to be responsible even though you thought you couldn't deserve it more. They sat by proudly as you made your own decisions and decided to create a path for your future with college, relationships, and real adult jobs. They support your travels and all of the world you want to see. And they're always itching to just hear what you're up to next.
But then what do you do when that very foundation seems to crumble?
When you realize Mom and Dad have no idea what they're doing in this life anymore than you do?
How do you confront the issues that have been there you're whole life but you never noticed them because you were too busy aging?
And most of all.....where is it that we go from here?
Just...where is it?
But then what do you do when that very foundation seems to crumble?
When you realize Mom and Dad have no idea what they're doing in this life anymore than you do?
How do you confront the issues that have been there you're whole life but you never noticed them because you were too busy aging?
And most of all.....where is it that we go from here?
Just...where is it?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Hail Mary
Hail Mary, full of grace.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death,
Amen.
We circled around her hospital bed, holding hands, chanting this prayer as she took her last couple breaths of life. Her breaths were long and deep. We never knew when the last one would be. I looked down at her small little crooked hands and squeezed them as tight as I could. I whispered in her ear that I was here with her. I rubbed her hair and blessed her forehead like she always did to me before I left her presence. She made a cross on our foreheads, then a cross on our chins and two dots for each cheek saying "Always remember, never forget, Mimi loves you very much."
I couldn't help but think of all the many many times she blessed me. Probably ever since I entered this world. She was the proudest grandma on the face of this earth. My mother told me I would've have probably never survived my first year of childhood if it weren't for her. She helped raise me. She was there every screaming night I couldn't sleep as a baby. I remember all the childhood sleepovers at her house, only fully complete with my very own suitcase that said "going to Mimi's." Ah..the fresh toast and hot chocolate in the morning around her kitchen table. She watched me pick up a flute for the first time in 6th grade and every concert I played since then she said I was the only one that never missed a note. She watched all my accomplishments in high school telling me every moment that I was becoming a very beautiful intelligent and remarkable young woman. I remember when I was 16 and wrecked my car I was too scared to tell my dad so it was her that I called. She believed in my dreams of becoming a nurse and stayed by my side the whole 4 year struggle it took to finally get the degree. I would call her every week when I had a hard exam coming up so she could pray that day and hour for me to succeed. She cried with me on the phone when I was going through that hard, hard breakup and asked why someone whould ever treat her Megan like that. She jumped for joy when I would stop by her home and bring her an iced tea. She delighted in every single story I had to share. She deeply treasured our friendship as did I.
She always wanted to hear of my adventures, my upsets, and worries. She taught me to trust my woman's intuition. Never apologize, accidents happen. Pray and meditate with the Lord. Always put family first. Be intentional. And always....always...watch out for those damn deer.
I am so very very blessed to have my life touched by such a strong, proud, and loving devout woman. She was...and always will be... my beloved Mimi.
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death,
Amen.
We circled around her hospital bed, holding hands, chanting this prayer as she took her last couple breaths of life. Her breaths were long and deep. We never knew when the last one would be. I looked down at her small little crooked hands and squeezed them as tight as I could. I whispered in her ear that I was here with her. I rubbed her hair and blessed her forehead like she always did to me before I left her presence. She made a cross on our foreheads, then a cross on our chins and two dots for each cheek saying "Always remember, never forget, Mimi loves you very much."
I couldn't help but think of all the many many times she blessed me. Probably ever since I entered this world. She was the proudest grandma on the face of this earth. My mother told me I would've have probably never survived my first year of childhood if it weren't for her. She helped raise me. She was there every screaming night I couldn't sleep as a baby. I remember all the childhood sleepovers at her house, only fully complete with my very own suitcase that said "going to Mimi's." Ah..the fresh toast and hot chocolate in the morning around her kitchen table. She watched me pick up a flute for the first time in 6th grade and every concert I played since then she said I was the only one that never missed a note. She watched all my accomplishments in high school telling me every moment that I was becoming a very beautiful intelligent and remarkable young woman. I remember when I was 16 and wrecked my car I was too scared to tell my dad so it was her that I called. She believed in my dreams of becoming a nurse and stayed by my side the whole 4 year struggle it took to finally get the degree. I would call her every week when I had a hard exam coming up so she could pray that day and hour for me to succeed. She cried with me on the phone when I was going through that hard, hard breakup and asked why someone whould ever treat her Megan like that. She jumped for joy when I would stop by her home and bring her an iced tea. She delighted in every single story I had to share. She deeply treasured our friendship as did I.
She always wanted to hear of my adventures, my upsets, and worries. She taught me to trust my woman's intuition. Never apologize, accidents happen. Pray and meditate with the Lord. Always put family first. Be intentional. And always....always...watch out for those damn deer.
I am so very very blessed to have my life touched by such a strong, proud, and loving devout woman. She was...and always will be... my beloved Mimi.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Proud Parent Moment
The music was loud. The passion came through the mic. The band couldn't have been more in sync. I watched from the bar like a proud parent. Every person observed with wide eyes and kept conversation to a minimum. After the show, the band manager took the band out to eat (I got to come along by association) They escorted us back to a secluded conference room with business chairs on wheels. Then came the head of the company, the power of attorney, and a lawyer. What seemed to just be a fun Saturday night quickly turned to be the beginning of something great. We thought getting dinner paid for was going to be the best part, but then the company owner sat down and talked about how stinkin incredible he thought the music was. The band took the compliments and listened to what he had to say. He said "I believe in what you guys are doing. The life that screams through the songs, the rhythm that gels together so well, and the future potential you hold." They all signed their names on a contract created solely to help them succeed. They said "we started this company to find talent, and you guys are the people we are looking for." My eyes started to well up. The excitement burned inside my chest. AND I'M NOT EVEN PART OF THE BAND!! It was like seeing a toddler beginning to take their first steps in learning how to walk. Or that child getting on the school bus for the first time in their life. Just how more proud could I be? We took a bathroom break in the middle of dinner and I ran and jumped into a hug with Joel. THIS COULD NOT BE HAPPENING! I said, while he remained calm and called the whole thing surreal.
A music career will certainly have its ups and downs, but for now it seems to be a slow climb up and I couldn't be happier to be here in the most beginning of it all and will continue to take every step with him :)
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