Here's My Story

So many of you may know my heart and my love for nursing. I've always wanted to be a nurse actually. I pretended for a couple of years that I wanted to be a teacher just so that me and my best friend Lindsey could have classrooms next to each other and have classroom pets together. (Gotta love those days of middle school)

If you look back in my mom's stash of pictures, there's a picture of me when I'm somewhere around the age of 9 or 10 and it was career day at school and of course, I'm dressed up as a nurse. (Sappy story, I know) But, it's adorable because I'm so tiny and I'm wearing scrubs and I have a fake stethoscope and a clip board (representing a patient's a chart I guess). But ever since then, I've just always dreamed of being a real live nurse who can care for anyone who needs help. Caring for people is my speciality and what better profession. I'm also in love with the human body and just how well it is made. Studying it all at the college level has only emphasized that for me because everything just works so well together! (you get hot.. you sweat, your blood pressure goes down.. your heart starts beating faster to make up for it, you're losing a lot of blood.. your body redirects it away from places that don't need it like kidneys and fingernails for the moment being) Its so cool and it just emphasizes the awe of God planning every single fiber of our beings.

Well here I am. AU Nursing School in the year 2009. It's almost surreal because its like when you're a kid and you imagine that adults are so old and you'll never be one, but then you wake up one day and you can buy alcohol, have your own checking account, and go to bed whenever you want.

So last summer I decided to get more integrated into the actual field of nursing so I applied for an internship at Ball Memorial Hospital. I didn't get to pick exactly, but I ended up on the Oncology Unit. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. It's a unit full of joy and sorrow wrapped up all into one emotional packed feeling of success and failure at the same time. I learned so much over the summer and really began to feel like belonged on the floor as an actual nurse. Patients trust what I have to say to answer their questions and they watch me learn and gain confidence right in front of them. And the thing about cancer patients...they're happy to see a smiling face whether you know a lot about nursing or you're just there to refill their cup of water.

So my heart lies in the Trauma/ER, crisis/disaster field and someday I hope to be there. I dream of having my fingers in some one's gushing artery yelling out orders to GET ME 5 MG OF ATROPINE! AND YOU, I NEED 50 ML D5W STAT! That's my dream anyways. And when I interviewed for my student nurse position my manager, Dani, asked me what I wanted to do when I graduated. And when I told her that this was my dream she told me I wasn't going to necessarily get that on the cancer floor. She said "it's actually a much slower death up here."

In all reality. I love where I'm at right now. Its actually the inspiration for me starting this blog. I wanna write about the experiences I've had and the patients I've encountered. The look I've seen in their eyes and the life lessons I walk out the door and leave at the end of the day with. Some days I just come home and cry because of I try to make sense of it all. Its frustrating to see the value of life ending in front of your very own eyes and something that robs a person from continuing on. Especially when I'm the personality that wants to fix everything so it will just be better. I'm the oldest child of 5 and that's been my whole mission in life. I have 4 little ones to look out for and I would never want them to experience the pain life brings us (I'm not sure I'll be able to be a parent)

"But if we would all just accept how freaking vulnerable we are." A quote from my psychology professor. We gotta be vulnerable in this life and I think we spend our whole lives running away and covering up the most honest truth that we ARE so freaking vulnerable. It hurts to be this vulnerable. But it almost seems like we learn the most when we do open up to true vulnerability. The end of my prof's quote was "we're all just gonna die anyways."

That we are. That we are.
Meg