Here's My Apple

Homeless and beggars BREAK my heart. They've always broken my heart. And the fact of the matter is that it should always continue to break my heart.



I remember a time when I was little (like maybe 7) and me and my family were driving to go get our Christmas pictures...so it was sometime in November. And we drove by a corner and there was a homeless man in a wheelchair with no legs past his knees. He was holding a sign that said HUNGRY WILL WORK FOR FOOD. And as a 7 year old I just couldn't understand how this man didn't have food! I have food whenever I want it...so why can't he? So I did the natural 7 year old girl thing and I just started crying. And my parents in the front of the van were so confused. They had no idea what triggered my break down but I could barely even speak. I just kept crying and breathing really hard and snot running down my face. WE JUST DROVE BY A MAN WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY FOOD! AND THE WORST THING IS THAT HE'D EVEN SAID HE'D WORK AND HE HAS NO LEGS!!!!!!



My parents spent a great deal of time trying to calm me down and they said we could buy him some food on our way home...I just needed to stop crying so we could take the pictures. But I didn't want to! I needed to get food to that man! Eventually my soul calmed and I couldn't wait to give get back to him. But after the pictures were done, we drove by that corner again... and he wasn't even there anymore.



Don't even think that story will ever leave me.



Fast forward to today. I'm 21 and still just as confused as to what to do for those people. I spent a lot of time Freshman year hanging out homeless people on Friday nights and I got to know some real well. I've had both positive and negative experiences stick with me, but I'm constantly trying to refine my perspective and my actions in the present.



Yet I have the same worry of what do I do?? I've been weary about being a young single woman and yet wanting to show nothing but compassion. But I've been warned to be on my guard and that's always in the back of my mind. This is my dilemma.



The past couple of weeks I've seen the same homeless man at the interstate exit and I just sit there at the light and think...I can't do anything. Little money, fear of being taken advantage of, and doubt that anything I do CHANGES anything.



3 weeks have gone by with this pit in my stomach because of the guilt I feel of not being able to do anything. And then here came the 4th week just this past Monday where I had to take this dreaded exit and see the same eye stare in my car and feel the same feeling. The feeling that I have everything and can't think of anything I could do for this man. I was waiting at the light and then I looked down and I saw an apple I had in my cup holder. Then it hit me. GIVE THIS AWAY. And I got so excited.



I looked on the floor of the passenger seat and I also had a bag of chips I didn't eat at lunch. Oh! And a rice krispie in the back seat!!! I rolled down my window so anxiously, this time hoping the light would actually NOT change soon and yelled "Hey! Do you want my apple?!?"



This is a long story for a real simple ending. But it changed something inside of me. I saw that I had something to "do" that was right under my nose (sitting in my cup holder) the whole time!

And I drove away thinking "I wonder how many people have "apples" right under their noses and just don't know what to do with them."